La Cucaracha - Poem by M.J. McGuire
Of all the creatures on this celestial ball,
One is hailed the “greatest pest of all.”
He multiplies much faster than the hare
And fills your pantry nooks when you’re not there.
His nymphs run free within your homestead’s walls,
Like shoppers on a spree at city malls.
He boasts the crack and crevice as his home,
While snitching crumbs beneath your toaster’s chrome.
A dropped brownie on the floor is your lament,
But to him its chocolate manna, heaven-sent.
‘Tis no mystery why he mainly lurks at night,
For like Lugosi, he is sensitive to light.
He carries with him six well known diseases,
And only fails to spread them when it freezes.
Many nasty habits line his coat,
Like sticking his antenna down his throat.
Leaking brown saliva on your dishes
Fulfills one of his most delightful wishes.
Don’t try in vain to spray him as he scoots.
You’ll just miss and spray your bowl of fruits.
Instead, stop the creepy crawler in mid-flight
By tripping him with string from your new kite.
Then, while he’s spinning circles on his back,
Bomb him with a slab of Monterey Jack.
Just to show him food is dangerous too,
Sometimes more than the swatter or the shoe.
To guarantee this grotesque creature won’t prevail,
Order fives cases of Dursban™ by mail.
Turn your house into a miniature Chernobyl.
Make your message loud and clear and global.
Follow these tips and the culprit won’t return.
If he does, douse yourself, light a match…and burn!
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