Emily Ann

Listen To Me, I'M Sorry - Poem by Emily Ann

Forgive me for I have sinned.
Forgive me for loving too much.
Forgive me because I cared too much.

Forgive me, my family, for I never reached your expectations.
I’m sorry, I didn’t try hard enough.
You had thought that I will be great.
I’m sorry but I can never be great.
I’m just simple.
I had tried to tell you but,
You had never listened.
I’m sorry.

Mother, I apologize for being such a fool, for being irresponsible and disobeying you.
I had shouted at you and now I regret it. Please forgive me.
You gave me a shelter, a life, but I’m sorry because I loved you,
And you didn’t love me.
You’re happy I’m not.
I’m sorry that I had become a hindrance to you.
That you can’t get what you want because of me
But you had taken care of me. Even though it’s against your will
I love you.
Please forgive me.
Please listen to me.

Father, I’m sorry because I’m not your little girl.
Forgive me because I chose to be who I am, not who you think I am.
I’m sorry for I had not listened.
And now you’re the one who’s not listening.
You made this family whole, but that family didn’t include me.
I had thought I belonged.
I thought wrong.
Please forgive me.
Listen to me.

Universe, forgive me because I had never liked you.
You gave me misery and pain.
But I thank you still, because I am alive.
Wind, I love you.
You calm my mind, you give me peace.
Water, I love you.
You gave me numbness, and relief.
Fire, I love you.
The flames brought heat, and passion. But I love it because it had brought pain.
I’m so sorry because I had used you for my own.
I know you’re not listening.
Because no one can
Not even you.

I’m sorry to my teacher.
I never paid attention.
I had ignored all your threats of failing me because I didn’t care.
But now you’re the one ignoring me.
Just like everyone else is.
I tried. I failed.
I talked to you, you didn’t listen.
Now you have joined them.
I had thought you cared, but I know now you did not.
You cared only for your job.
And everyone cares only for themselves.

They say forgiveness is divine. I don’t believe it.
They say they love me but they lied.
I tried not to cry but the tears still spilled.
No one ever listens. Why? It’s because no one cares.
I need love.
I need care.
But I don’t need their ignorance.
And I don’t need their hate.
When will they like me? When will they love me?
When will they forgive me?
I don’t know when.
I screamed.
I pleaded.
I cried.
But they just laughed and talked like I’m an idiot.

I’m sorry to myself.
Never did I try to be happy.
Never did I stop the misery.
I had let the darkness engulf me.
And yet I wake up in the morning, and sleep at night.
I had hoped one day they will listen.
And the more I dream, the more I hope.
And the more I live, the more disappointed I become.

'Listen to me! ' I shouted at last.
But they drowned my voice,
With their laughter and happiness
I grew envious.
How come I can’t be happy?
This is the only question I can answer.
It’s because they never listen
And they never will.

I walked up the stairs and went to my room.
In my room, I can be myself.
Not the one they thought I will be.
I pulled the drawer.
Something shiny appeared.
It was a knife.
It glowed under the sun.
The blade looked sharp.
Is this a sign?
Is this a threat?
I don’t know
And I don’t care.
I thrust it into my chest.
I gasped.
The pain was overwhelming.
It took my worry away.
It took my misery away.
It took me away.

I land on the floor with a thud.
I heard loud footsteps up the stairs.
The door opened.
Everyone came in.
My mother knelt and cried.
My father yelled and sighed.
Their eyes focused on me,
And on the blade buried on my heart
I heard someone say 'Call the ambulance.'
I heard someone reply 'Hurry! '
I heard my mother say 'Hang in there! '
I heard my father say 'Don’t leave us. Don’t even dare! '

I had been overjoyed.
They were paying attention to me.
At last
I took the opportunity.
Maybe they’ll finally listen to me.
Maybe they finally cared for me.
And I spoke my final words.
Words I had been trying to tell them.
Words that they had always ignored
I said 'Forgive me.'
And the then death took over.
But I was happy.
Only when I had been silent, did they stop.
Only when I had been silent, did they care.
Only when I had been silent did they finally listen……

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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Poem Edited: Tuesday, December 8, 2009

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