Marching Comments

I love the meaning and the message behind this poem. One thing I noticed and it's not a huge deal, you wrote the first three or so lines as a narrative and rhymed the second half. I'm just the type that when I read a poem that changes pattern or form or tempo, it stands out and I fixate on the break in the pattern. You could have very easily done it iwthout even knowing you rhymed. I've done it before myself! On line 3 you end with when and then start line 4 with the same word. That you have to fix. It seems like a typo. Maybe try this, I write, then I do one edit and shelve the poem for hours. Go back proof it and edit again. Let it get out of my mind and do one final edit before I hit the send button. The mistakes I find are amazing! Ernest Hemingway said write drunk, edit sober kind of like that! -Robin xoxo