MASQUERADE Poem by Kanaka Ha Ma

I cannot laugh any more
My face is distorted when I do
I cannot bear the image glimpsed in the heart's mirror
So I must not laugh any more
In this time and place, seemingly different,
One must wear
A moronic mask
A serious face, as if deep in thought

I have forgotten those days of unprovoked giggles
At sound and silence, day and night
The whispers, hysterical laughter,
streaming tears of glee -
Whose laughter was that?
I have known the enchantment of that mirth

On the pavement, beach, at functions, seminars,
When chastised, when challenged,
In private, in public
Exploding with merriment, and content

Lassoing the whole world with laughter -
It wasn't a lie

Don't grieve for this
This laughter,
Foam on beer.
It has dissolved
So I cannot laugh any more.

But if laughter is mandatory,
Instantly peel off
This moronic mask
A serious face, as if deep in thought
And slyly don
Just as moronic an equivalent -
The polite grimace.