'Me, Whoever That Is' Poem by Cain Adina

i cant keep lying to you or myself
its not worth losing me
actually im already lost
like im drowning in a sea of eternity
lost forever like the soul of a sinner
but who i am or what i've done is not a sin
not a sin, i think
i will never know, i've lost me
i dont know how to find her
i dont know how to begin to look
i've masked myself over and over and again over when that didnt work
i've pushed myself to be something im not
pushed so long and hard that now im not only cain,
i am many, very many bits and pieces of what used to be them
but is now 'me', whoever that is
'me' is now full of rage and hate
but now love and butterflies, quiet and shy
loud and fun, different and unique
just as vague as the rest, sensitive and soft
not caring or crying, 'me' whoever that is