Memories Poem by Nicola Thoner

You whisper 'goodbye' in my ear

Can't tell if your voice is real

or a dream

Can't tell if you were even here at all -


You leave nothing to prove of your existence.

It's cold out. And the only warmth I have are these memories.

Transparent as imaginings.

And dreams and lies.

All concocted to make a reality worth living.

And even then it's not enough.




With the time you spent here

In the wreckage of my explosive words

and defensive violence

Of my hate and thoughts that consume and destroy

anyone that takes their attention.

You see me laugh

Then retreat.

Always sinking inside myself.

When you try an pull me out, I resist. And that hurts you.

Because you thought you could.

How could I stay comforted in and by my own darkness

?

If only to look forward to the light when it decides to shine.

Perhaps, its the darkness itself that's comforting.

With no discrimination for who it takes.

And its noble cause to take the broken, the fallen

the unwanted.

All inclusive. All consuming.

Perhaps this way, it's easier to undress in front of eyes that can't pry.

To be alone. In the purest sense of the word.

With no judgements, criticism or appraisals.

Because no one else can see.

Perhaps in the dark, things become clearer

with a silence that reflects nothing but your own imaginings.

Giving you a place in the world to hold on to.

Maybe this silence is

all

I want.

Is it a shame to waste a body

with a life that already craves death?

I exit the dream thinking I can catch you before you leave.

To prove that you're real to me.

But all I find is an empty coffee cup

and a note that says

'I love you.'