Misconceptions Poem by Abigail Hauschild

Old habits are hard to break
Each repeated lie and every misrepresentation of my soul
Adds a bar to my cage
This cell of my own making is impossible to escape
Even if I could tear down the walls
Even if I told you the truth
Even if I showed you the soul
I am only now beginning to know
You wouldn't see it
You would peer into my cell
Searching for me in the shadows
You'd ask why I was hiding
You'd say you could love me through my darkness
You'd actually prefer me to stay in the dark
Because if I am only a shade of myself
You can pretend I am whoever you want me to be
Or change me into whatever you need
Between the smudged outline of who you say I am
The nebulous picture of who I seem to be
And the blurry outline of who I want to be
I no longer know what is real
I weaved my web of lies so skillfully
Erased my perceived imperfections so completely
I no longer know who I am
I'm so afraid of who I might be without you
That I'll settle for who you wish I was
At least that role is known and comfortable
I've memorized all those lines
At least that character is loved
If you knew how broken, scarred, and weak I was
You'd realize it wasn't really me you loved
But your own twisted projection of me
However
I'll stay in my cage
I'll hide in the shadows
Because I wouldn't survive you leaving me
And that scares me most of all