Mistakes Poem by Jonathan Howard

I have done wrong in my own past,
Such no one can deny;
And all who claim I was stark white
Know it’s an ugly lie.

Oh, trouble had arisen, yes,
I know it was quite tough;
And thus my deeds that made life hell
Were worthy of no bluff.

I cannot set the blame upon
Myself just so, alone;
All those who have tormented me
Were meddling in my ‘zone’.

So, consequently I have done
A great deal, so much harm;
And innocent souls I have known
Had simply no alarm.

Some suffered more, some suffered less,
Some suffered blindly eyed;
And even though I fl ed away –
The rope round me was tied.

Oh, countless times I heard the phrase
‘You cannot run away.
You must face your mistakes alone,
And shan’t be led astray’,

Yet I could not be trusted into
Seeïng that at mind;
I fl ed, and bound like tied-up hounds
I never looked behind.

And life kept on, the old style gone,
New challenges faced me;
And I had failed to realise
I’d face my destiny.

And then one day, my fate I faced,
It hit me cold and hard.
And when it hit I suffered much,
My sky was no more starred.

Yet in dark times there is a light
So boldly mine had shone!
And yet it was obscured by clouds,
And I thought it was gone.

That light rose of a victim’s corpse,
One of those blindly eyed;
So imperceptive then I was:
For it was on my side!

I thought the bold, bright light was gone,
Yet it was only hid
By clouds that were just passing by,
But oh! What I then did…

The dimmed-out light was waiting there,
I turned my back to it!
And thus to me reveäling,
It shall never see fi t.

That one-time only light I have
Declined, that precious gift!
And then my life returned to dim,
And oh, that was so swift!

I lost my only chance to set myself
And others free –
Free from my own consequences,
That you surely see.

“And I had done a hellish thing”,
So said old Coleridge;
Yet he redeemed well known old sins,
And I can’t cross that bridge.

I hope I’ve learned from my mistakes,
Reveäled by that light.
Even though it was the hard way,
I knew I’ve turnéd bright.

But I will never be redeemed,
By life or death alike,
I have done wrong, and I’ll be gone
By lightning’s well-aimed strike.

(October 2004.)