Monologue Poem by Shreya Jani

so you decided not to fight for yourself
spent years trying to make sense of life
sometimes you believed in god
At other times in energy
but you committed to nothing
the salmon of doubt hung like damocles sword
and you decided not to fight for yourself.

something about not deserving happiness was convincing
something of fake existence was examined
then the line which followed was
I have no regrets
yet the heart ached and you called it sadness
not regret but sadness.

so there where expectations which were not met
yet you convinced yourself that expectations where the problem
there came a time you said let me try by fighting for me
then again you could not figure out what that looked like.

Things as they stand on your spectrum

Life has no meaning so stop giving it so much purpose
strive to be at equinomity with your spirit
the only tangible reality that you know is
that there are actions and there are consequences
the action is in your hand the consequences are a little more complicated
yet strive to act with the hope that thats your truth at that point in time
and that you will not regret or judge it later.

You can only do that and the rest just is.

so even if there is a god or no god
see what you want for yourself
freedom will come when you befriend your fears
maybe another will love you maybe not
but make some room for yourself in life
strive to learn to love yourself
and yet not become a narcissist in the bargain.

It will not be easy, you will see so many parameters.

Parameters that where constructed by wills that may have been free
or souls that wanted to surrender
some will be yours too
but what if they turn out to be different where you are
and you are scared
look for your light however dark the night
however cold you get
believe that it will seek you out
every stone is not a flint but try anyway
i cannot say that things will turn around for you
but try anyway
there are no mile stones for you
enjoy a journey, the ports & the people.

Nothing needs to make sense in the long run.

life is a wonderland
be amazed and open up your heart
throw it down from the top of buildings
again and again
let it break and watch it never heal
or maybe heal
time will tell
for now there are no answers
so stop waiting for Godot

Do right now what you must do right now
thats all you can really do

Feel defeated feel victorious
feel happy feel overwhelmed
keep trying
to feel let not your heart go into the cold storage again
pull it out defrost it and burn! !