They say that an infant’s entire connection to the world lies through their mother.
My reality, my universe
We outgrow that soon enough though.
But perhaps the lasting effects of this bond
Still exist in the child’s perception of their parent.
Mothers aren’t just people, they are bigger than that, wiser maybe.
And in that realization I find myself bound to make an apology.
I have held you to such an extreme standard
That no mere mortal could survive the parameters
I didn’t allow you to be flawed, to be wrong
To be human. I thought you were a bad mother.
As I grow I learn that while you are no longer my everything
You are much more than I ever gave you credit for.
You are an artist, you are a woman, you were a kid, a college student.
You know me.
I am just now starting to appreciate that by being my mother you allowed
Yourself to become secondary. To let your entire presence,
Burning passions and direst needs to boiled down to MOM.
You’ve shared with me your own infinity, what makes you work.
How terrifying that must have been.
You know me like no other person because only a little while ago
Your blood was mine, you were I and I was not seperate from you,
And while circumstances have changed the past never will.
We are now different people, yes but only by growing individually
Have I learned my own infinity, my everlasting complexity,
And now I reflect upon how much you gave up and toiled for on my behalf.
Forgive me, I thought everyone did that; I thought you were ordinary, how silly.
So just know that everything I breathe, eat, say, think, fee, know, love
Is in some way forged by you and for you, Oedipal as it may be.
You formed the boundaries for my Universe; and while I daily try to push
And expand them, I have learned that most of them are there for a reason.
Finally, what all this amounts to is something long, long overdue.
From the sincerest and humblest region of my singular everything,