My Darker Side Poem by Meenakshi Jaikrishnan

It's getting harder with every breath
Feels like Im being invited to my grave by death
It's getting harder to move, it's getting harder to cry
Maybe it's time for the final goodbye

Love does not come my way
And let it not, to God I pray
I'd rather life be left like this
So when Im gone, no one I shall miss

An insult there from my kin
A blade here across my skin
This, however, does not seem to suffice
The amount I myself despise

Their words have hit me, like a knife
I know it's the truth, it drains out my life
There's nothing I can do since I've lost myself
Im not in darkness, Im part of itself

The monsters are inside my head
They seem to have jumped out from under my bed
Words, however, do not seem to emphasize
The amount I myself stigmatize

There's color all around me
Except within, it's a black and white sea
Beauty, beauty everywhere
Why is my heart undernourished and bare?

Stop pointing out my flaws, Im already aware
Of every single one; trust me, I've been there
This still does not seem to suffice
The amount I myself despise

The tunnel seems so gloomy and so dark
There seems to be no light or no spark
Even if there were, it isn't my call
I was born to rot, I was born to fall

Alone in a crowded room
Surrounded by my circle of doom
Words still do not seem to emphasize
The amount I myself stigmatize

Im ugly, Im fat, Im a liar, Im a witch
Im just another unwanted piece, just another glitch
The world would be happier if I fly away
You would jump for joy, cant you just say?

I know you hate me and I dont blame you
How can anyone like someone so blue?
Still, why cant this seem to suffice
The amount I myself despise?

One look at the mirror, that's all it takes
To break me down into a million flakes
All this lack of love, all this self hate
There seems no end, let's blame it on fate

Words are my only friends, my only cries for help
Cuz my tears I cant let out, I can only gulp
Still, why cant these words seem to emphasize
The amount I myself stigmatize?

The world's on fire, there's a lot of flame
Why do I think Im the one to blame?
Cuz I set everything wrong, I am the flaw
And if I am gone, the world would glow

Take me into eternal dormancy
Atleast it's something that I would fancy
Because all this is unable to suffice
The amount I myself despise

You say you know me, honey, not too fast
If I opened up, things just wouldnt last
Im too horrible, you just dont realize
Dont believe the good stuff, they're all just lies

This disorder flays the life out of me
It lives in my head so I cannot flee
Because all these words are unable to emphasize
The amount I myself stigmatize

I keep reminding myself, I cant do this alone
But my long lost friends have already gone
I am helpless with nothing to look forward to
Do take the life out of me, please do

Starved myself for 30 days
The bottom of the closet, now I face
I think all this might finally suffice
The amount I myself despise

The silver paintbrush gently over my wrist
Paints bloody red, that's the twist
I wish I can see him, in his dazzling orange attire
He'll have me done with cuz he's the fire

I guess it's time to wind up now
With a little curtsy and a little bow
I think all my words might finally emphasize
The amount I myself stigmatize