My Feelings Poem by Star Dust

My feelings are as scattered as the leaves on the ground in fall,
As I lay in bed every night thinking of what I’ve learned,
Of the lessons that I have been taught,
Sometimes I wish that I never went for I feel I will cry as the words sink deeper,
Creating other thoughts,
Profounder meanings,
I toss and turn as my stomach gets a well-known pit,
A pit that comes as my thoughts stray from the limits I have set,
I try not to think of the bad things I’ve done for they show me how far off the path I am,
I try to fit in, but it just pulls me in all directions,
I try to act cool, like I know who I am,
But I’m sure the phony smile shows,
I try to be different just because I like it,
But I cannot say that the snide comments do not hurt,
The whispers and laughs,
I feel I believe what people mean when they say it takes twenty compliments to heal just one wound,
Because hurts are such bigger stabs in the heart,
I learn that I hate my friends for they just want to be popular,
But, in a way, I cannot blame them for either of us has found ourselves,
I feel I need to be loved by others than just my family,
I need to be understood,
I need someone who makes me feel like the best friend in the world,
Maybe that is why I want to be me, the different girl,
But is that really who I am,
Sometimes I am jealous of my sister for she has a friend,
A friend that understands her and loves her, for who she is,
Sometimes I want to stop time for I do not want to face the problems that I do now,
But other times I want to be older, in the future,
For I think I will be a better person, have a better life,
But there are only few moments when I want to be here and now,
Why is that?
I do not see myself as a married woman with a house full of children,
But I do see myself as a woman, who knows who she is and is proud to be it,
A woman who does not let the stars or dots stick,
I hope what I see is true,
But for now I must sleep,
I am still lying in bed, wondering, crying,
Forgive the tears that drop,
I hope this will help me,
And help others to understand.