My Halloween Poem by susan brealey

i was forced to grow up way to fast way to soon i ask myself over and over again if he knew what he was doing to me if he knew how much he was really destroying me, if he even cares, you might as well just carve his name into my skin i can feel people staring as i walk away denying it ever happened but he has made me his it feels like everybody knows, i cant take this anymore the people i thought were my friends aren't there for me anymore all i have left are my own thoughts that i don't want to think about and memories i don't want to remember i fight so hard to hold the memories back behind this fake, broken smile, but that's all i am now... a broken smile and a broken past, and nothing else

CHORUS:
Halloween is supposed to be a child's play day, instead it was the day he took my innocence away i remember thinking, just stay still and wait for it to be over, he cant hurt me unless i let him i just lay there on my stomach waiting for it to go away, the clock fell to the floor and i focus all my energy on that, but even though I'm staring at it i cant see what time it is, once he's gone i look at the clock again, its 4: 52 A.M i see broken glass on the floor and all my ripped clothes are over by the door i smell blood but i don't have enough energy to find where on my body its coming from i try to stand up but i fall back to the floor... this is my nightmare in real life, my new Halloween

i feel dead, i look dead, or maybe I'm just insane i don't remember anymore or maybe its just the cocaine i don't remember how or when i got like this now whenever i need help i turn to drugs i don't even know what I'm taking half the time i just take whatever my so called friends give me to try to numb the pain i know this cant be safe but i don't care anymore he took my will to live that Halloween night, since when is it OK to rape and then walk away and act like everything is OK again

CHORUS:
Halloween is supposed to be a child's play day, instead it was the day he took my innocence away i remember thinking, just stay still and wait for it to be over, he cant hurt me unless i let him i just lay there on my stomach waiting for it to go away, the clock fell to the floor and i focus all my energy on that, but even though I'm staring at it i cant see what time it is, once he's gone i look at the clock again, its 4: 52 A.M i see broken glass on the floor and all my ripped clothes are over by the door i smell blood but i don't have enough energy to find where on my body its coming from i try to stand up but i fall back to the floor... this is my nightmare in real life, my new Halloween

i remember i couldn't breath, i couldn't breathe and i screamed oh i screamed out in pain... he makes me feel insane, he makes me feel insane.. i let him hurt me, he still has the power over me every time i see him i remember i cant breath oh i cant breath i thought i screamed out for help but then i remembered the pillow pressed against my face... i cant breath

(REPEAT CHORUS

oh this is my Halloween, my Halloween, sometimes i lay there and wonder how i would be if he never did this to me... Halloween is supposed to be a child's play day... instead it was the day he took my innocence away... oh this is my Halloween.. i cant breath