Never The Better Poem by Mustafa Marconi

Never understood the constant resistance
Nor The pent up frustrations
Actions that at times seemed abnormal and strange
Subtle traits in his character he just couldn’t change
Waking up in places he vaguely remembered
Always regretful, but never the better
He finally walked away from us when I was nine
Forcing Mama to fend for herself
Feeling betrayed she coveted comfort
By beating me savagely every time she thought of him
In school my classmates made fun of me
My raggedy clothes and weather beaten shoes
Punch-lines for a constant barrage of severely harsh jokes
That seemingly had no ending
Home was no better
Electricity disconnected
When there was food it was never enough
And all of Mama’s boyfriends hated me
The days were long and the nights were longer
There were times when I felt weary and ready to quit
But I couldn’t let life get the best of me
Couldn’t fade away or let anyone trample on my dreams
Found my daddy working in a lumberyard
Living in a ten by ten cubicle
Moved in with him immediately
And never looked back
Sometimes times were rough and sustenance was barely enough
But we got by
He wore the same old clothes everyday
And managed to buy me everything I needed
I no longer seen the shame in his eyes
And he no longer search bottles to solve his problems
We confided in each other
And now I know that he never abandon me
And that he always supported me
We may not have had much, but I was truly blessed
He took me to see Mama every Saturday
She constantly berated me and at times it hurt
He asked me to find forgiveness in my heart
To be a better man then him
Four years ago I graduated with honors
He cried uncontrollably for two or three days
Beaming with pride he went to work everyday
To help me continue my journey
Maybe there are some out there, but I don’t know any
Black men who do not take care of their children
Whatever the reason, whatever the situation
Always regretful, but never the better
Today I stand before you
Trying to convey the words to express my appreciation
For teaching me how to turn shame and ridicule into fuel
And for giving me when you didn’t have anything to give
Unfortunately I am destine to disappoint
To fall short of expectations
No matter how hard I try
I will never be a better man then you
Thank you daddy for not letting anyone
Trample on my dreams