No Hope For A Borderline Poem by Caty Rose

I've spent the last 7 years trying to find a cure for whatever's wrong with me
The sickness in my head and heart that nobody else can see

The sickness that caused a craving for something i could never find
A sickness that escalated every emotion in my heart and mind

People thought I was attention seeking and completely insane
But what they didn't know is I only did those stupid things as a way to deal with pain

My heart aches for something to fill an empty feeling that won't go away
My brain aches for answers about why I turned out this way

My family gave me the strength and faith to make it through my teenage years
My mum and dad were always there to protect me from my fears

My sisters were there for me too But thought my choices were wrong
I was always to jealous to keep our relationships strong

My relationships have always hurt me and I ended up in pain
They all told me to go kill myself like my emotions were just a game

It didn't matter how many people loved me it was still never enough
So instead of loving people I started loving stuff

I started loving computers, mobiles and everything I could get
I got credit cards and loans I put myself in so much debt

Still the empty feeling was taking over every aspect of my life
Erasing my ability to feel happiness at all and putting me in strife

My family thinks I'm gettingbetter but what they do not know
Is when I am around them I do not let my sadness show

I try not to show my boyfriend but It's too painful to keep my feelings in
So now along with misery and anger i feel guilt for the way I've treated him

How do I know if it's worth it the amount I always try
Maybe this pain will never end, maybe I deserve to die

My diagnosis says my brain was under developed so now I can't deal with pain
I also can't deal with being alone I was destined to turn out insane

I was destined for money problems and drug addiction too
My sickness controls everything in my life, everything I do

I wish My brain couldn't Think and my heart couldn't feel
Maybe feeling nothing would would allow me to heal

My diagnosis says it's not likely to recover so I know I won't be fine
My diagnosis says everything will hurt me, There is no hope for a borderline.