Not For The Eyes Of Children Poem by Courtney Pare' Cox

I am awoke by the ringing alarm of raised voices
and not the sweet shrill beep of the clock on the desk beside my head.
I place my feet upon the cold floor and stumble in the dark out into the hallway of my childhood home
My ears pick up the sound of my mommy's voice not melodic as usual but raised enough to frighten me
who is she yelling at? Why is she yelling? My mind whirls with questions and puzzlement
and then I hear the voice of the other person and my heart hits the floorboards; my daddy, they are fighting again.

I am sure there was a time when they loved each other and only spoke words in soothing tone
I have never witnessed this first hand to me it is a fairytale much like what daddy reads me before I go to sleep a sleep that is often broken by the night terror of domestic disputes.
Once again my four year old self is forced to be the referee in yet another verbal boxing match between my beloved parents, I love them so very much why can they not feel that for each other? ?

Mommy's face is twenty different shades of purple, daddy's is flushed with anger and drink
I stand between them and yell as loud as my still developing lungs will allow
STOP FIGHTING! ”, “ MOMMY TELL DADDY YOU LOVE HIM” “DADDY DONT GO I LOVE YOU” “ LISTEN TO ME! ”.... “ I need you “, “ Mommy let daddy stay”, “ Please, Please....”
He stumbles as she shoves a box full of his things into his arms, without a word she points to the door
Not an eye is placed upon me as I stand there no sound coming out of my open mouth
out the door he walks my best friend, my playmate, my story teller, my daddy., the door slams and i begin to weep for even at this young age I know he will never walk back through that door again.

Mommy slumps to the floor and I wrap my arms around her and kiss her upon the forehead
her eyes focus and she realizes what she has just let me see and she too weeps
“ I'm sorry angel, I'm so sorry, mommy loves you” she clutches my frail body as if I too may walk away.
We sit together still both of us know that things have changed, whether its for the better only days gone by will tell.