Numb And Overwhelmed Poem by unknown to mankind

i can feel the burn, from the ardor of my cigarette falling on my skin making me finally feel something
making me think
will i ever find the light
or will i forever be stuck in between


will i ever flee
and will i ever feel
like others do
maybe one day ill be confident
smart and not wish to be someone ill never be
when i think about it
it all doesn't make sense
why now? why me?
i keep asking
why do they get to enjoy this world and not me
did i do something? was it a sin?

i was so close
thought it could never get worse
and it didn't, at first
however it came back worse than i recall
nor did i expect it nor did i not
but that little amount of hope
got crushed and now i dont know how to cope

Oh, the fear of looking dumb, it creeps in my heart
Afraid to speak up, for every little part
Of my words, a mistake, a misstep, a slip
Punished for every little thing, I feel like a trip

In school, I'd tremble, my voice would quiver
Afraid to ask, for fear of looking a fool, forever
The teacher's scold, the class's snicker
My heart would race, my face would blush, a ticking clock

no home to call my own.
I thought that others might understand,
But they just walked on, with no hand to hold.
People passed by, with nary a glance,
As if I was a shadow, a mere chance.
I called out for help, but none would hear,
Leaving me lonely, my spirit to fear

I felt like an old rat in a trap,
Counting my days, my heart in a clap.
I searched for a friend, a shoulder to lean,
But all I found were hearts that were mean.
Now I'm left with just my tears to dry,
And the memories of all my lonely sighs.
In a world full of people, I am still alone,
A heart that's broken, a soul that's gone.

The path ahead, it seemed, was always the same,
I couldn't shake the feeling, I was doomed to remain,
In this endless loop of darkness, where I'd forever roam,
Never finding my way out, never reaching my home.

The light in the distance, it taunted me so,
A mirage of hope, that I could never know,
I reached out for it, but it always slipped away,
Leaving me lost and alone, in this endless gray.

But still I walked on, through the dark and the night,
My heart filled with longing, my spirit in flight,
For the hope of a better tomorrow, a brighter light,
That someday I'd find my way, out of this endless plight.

In shadows I dwell,
'What if I slit my wrist now? '

Intrusive thoughts swell
Mind's tangled torment,
These thoughts creep, relentless storm,
Wrestling with despair

Would they even care,
If my pain were laid bare, raw?

Silent cries impair
These thoughts persist, bound,
Haunting my mind, growing strong,
More often they sound.