Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind Comments
Rating: ★0.0
last night i dreamed u were in a vineyard
but in between trees seeing u was hard
i dreamed u were lost in sahara so tried to take ur hands
...
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3/15/2026 12:05:17 AM # 1.0.0
Nice storyline, young lady. If you don't mind...just a wee bit of costructive advice...try to avoid shotening words such as: you(u) . During the 1700's & 1800's...many classic Poet's wrote in old-english('til/thou/thine/doth, hath, ye, etc.) However, your contemporary, free-verse style, does not accomodate abbreviated wordage, very well, and takes away from the beauty of your espression...Spell it all out, young lady.......your storylines are innovative & your stazaec structure, for the most part, is well implemented. KEEP THAT PEN PUMPING! fjr