Parental Alcohol Syndrome: A Daughter's Lament Poem by Dillion Starky

TO: Mom
Why can't you stop?
I know that it's hard.
Vast tomes written have testified thus.
But why? Why not?
Not even for me?
You're selfish.
You worked so hard to bring me into this world.
Now that I'm here you don't seem to care.
You continue with self-euthanasia.
But you don't even have the decency to do it in private.
You continue to drag me in with the lure of hope.
A hope that you, like clockwork, crush with apathy.
A black hole continually sucking me into your icy depths.
There is nothing inside of you.
You're nothing but a corpse, stumbling around, causing pain.
That's what you want don't you; To be a corpse?
Why don't you hurry up and achieve your dream?
Your end would be my beginning.
Your departure would break my chains.
Because...
Because...
I...
I HATE THAT YOU DON'T CARE AND I DO.
I HATE THAT YOU RUIN EVERYTHING.
I HATE...
I HATE YOU!
…
…
…
No. That's not it.
I hate that...
I hate that I love you.
I hate that despite all the pain you cause, I still hope.
I have hope that you could stop.
I have hope that you could care.
I have hope that you could love me the way I love you.
But you don't.
That's obvious.
I know that my hopes are in vain.
I know that you will never change.
But no matter how much it hurts.
I can't help but hope.
So, I will endure.
I will continue to be disappointed, and I will continue to...
Love you.
Best,
Your loving Daughter.