Podiums Poem by Cate C

There are only winners and losers

We only keep the true winner in our mind

I can tell you who first stepped on the moon

Yet my mind cannot even begin to think of the second

The podium shows the top three winners

However, the light only shines on the number one

Cameras yet still show the number two crying

Knowing that they were one step away from the gold

Feeling ashamed for them and their people

However many do not understand why their weeping

Because some don't understand being second

Being second your entire life

Being good but never good enough

Knowing you will never catch up

It's an tumor in your mind slowly getting worse

The tumor will continue to grow

Growing until its pops like a bubble

When it pops you feel last

You feel last in every category

You feel like your sinking in quicksand

You know how to get out but you won't

It's not that you don't wanna

It's that you know someone else will still do better

So instead of trying and not being good enough

You give up your place on the podium

When you give it up it feels good and bad

Knowing you gave up your tumor

But also knowing you put someone else in that position

You stopped yourself from sinking

But someone else has taken your place

And crying out what to do doesn't save them

Handing them a tool to help doesn't get them out

Maybe the solution is just taking a step down the podium

Still, I feel like a failure but now it hurts more

That sting of knowing you gave up

Gave up all you had worked for

Gave up your purpose

Gave up your life

Everything is gone

Others see it as a simple fall

But I see it as the world-shattering inward as if made of glass

No longer will my legs hold me up

They will simply make me crumble onto the floor

I scream and cry

'WHEN I TOOK A BREAK I WAS GONNA BE HAPPY'

'I WAS GOING TO STOP COMPARING MYSELF TO THEM'
Screaming can't solve it but I do

Nothing makes sense anymore and being third on the podium feels worse

Longing for a higher position on the podium makes me crazy

Why do I now covet for second when I hated it before

I can only scream while I fight and pry to get higher up the podium.