Poem No.4: Soul Is More Poem by Lily Rummy

I grab my stomach
I see only fat and ugly
I don't know who I am anymore
Wandering around the hallways
of this crystal castle

Confused and misheard
I am afraid to be loved
I am afraid of physical touch
"You're not worthy"
I sing to myself as a lullaby

One day I am fine
Sailing on my white yacht
Next day
I cannot hold it anymore

How am I supposed to love someone
To care for someone
If I don't care about myself
Why there are so many questions
And few answers

My thighs are ugly
Distorted by my negativity
My constant pessimism
It is so tiring to be yourself
These days

But what does it mean
To be myself?
Is it too late now?
Is my soul enough?

Like in The Unbearable Lightness of Being
I am alone, damn it
My soul is not enough
I know it now

The carcass of what used to be
A little girl
with high hopes
and dreams
Looking optimistically about the future

I start to like myself
Step by step
I approach the light
I know someday I will
fully immerse in it.