jia shuixing

Possession - Poem by jia shuixing

can i describe this pain (or feel it) ?
can i nail it to a cross somewhere?
can i turn on, or off, the spirit, can I feel it or not feel it, even know it

i know it
i know it more than i know me

from time to time it's everything
from time to time i skip it, only to go round and have the same old shit to bear
from time to time i even let it go and then
whenever there's no other pressing crippling overwhelming issue begging to complain,

it's there

its roots are obscured by itself
it's never more alive than when it's gone

it's nothing but a fissure in a hole

it's death, a little bit, at times
it's being left untended for so long that everything around you rots
it's wanting to be rotten
it's praying, crying, begging it to stop
without the pray and cry to block it

it curls up in my stomach and my nose
it says, I'll never fucking go,
I'll lurk
I'll make each second long and hard and rugged
I'll claim the softest places to fill with sharpened edges
I'll hit you when you're strong and weak and flaccid
I'll burn inside your soul like acid
I'll eat your mother up
I'll split your skull with hands that loom like towers
I'll be the only things that fills your grave
I love you like a master loves a slave

at least it's real, you'll try to say
at least you're feeling
at least you're crumpled on the floor your head half broken your hands in shock the silence total for one second and nowhere to call home

i'm here it's me

you'll never die, you'll never let me go, you'll beg for more
you'll function

the pain from breaking down is nothing
that blank nontime of all the brain's give up combined, is nothing
that pain you get from waking up alone, that tight ache in your heart you think you won't survive
is nothing
those somber lucid times you think of jumping,
that wild blanked out smile from gazing at the stars is nothing
the stories you now find that feel so human
i feed on you, on nothing
i stuff you full of nothing
the love you feel when giving up the fight, the one that almost kills,
the one that means you cry in desperate hope
it's me, it's not, it's nothing
i close it
i close you up
it's me
I'm nothing

you'll sacrifice it all for me
you'll burn yourself alive each day for me
i'll live your life for you and rub it in your eyes at night
I am your only god
it's me

you're not enough
if not for me you wouldn't even be
you'd walk and move and laugh and love and cry
you'd live and love and wander and belong
you'd work and mate and make and hate and hurt and grow
you'd feel and write and tell someone and go

you'd hear of me in tales of human pain and say the world is odd but fine and then forget it,
and not a single moment would you be

i am your only god
i hold to you the world's dark soul

i am the only thing you've ever had

you'll try to breathe, i'll breathe for you instead

i'll give you all the powers of the dead

and still you'll be too small and tame to name me

i'm nothing but a fissure in a hole

i hold you to the world's dark soul

you'll drink of me with all the lust i stole

Topic(s) of this poem: pain

Poet's Notes about The Poem

dedicated to melanie klein?

Comments about Possession by jia shuixing

  • Kelly Kurt (3/28/2015 2:56:00 AM)

    A dark, vivid poem. Thanks for sharing (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, March 28, 2015

Poem Edited: Monday, August 10, 2015

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