Present Mothers Poem by EJ Dirge

I have no father
But this was by no choice of my own

You say that boys cannot flourish without a mother
And yet
I cannot simply summon a father from the ground
And water him and tend to him
Men do not stay
This I have learned

So how could you blame her
For all the problems I have suffered
For every thorn in my brow
When she suffered the loneliness
The lack
The pain
And she rose up with power
And such courage

How can you stare at the lack in my life
And how can you blame her for any failure
When it was he who walked out the door

Can't you define me by her strength
Instead of his absence

She won't complain but it's so deeply unfair
So incredibly powerfully and achingly unfair
That he is seen when he is not even there
And she is brushed aside even though she is the one who stayed
Even though she was forced to be both father and mother
And she is criticized because she is not perfect

And at first perhaps I resented her because it wasn't the same
The love of a mother is expected
A currency you are welcome to demand
But the love of a father
That is rare
That is exceptional
Because while many fathers stay, they often disappear as well
Whether behind absent stares
And absent words
And no I hate yous
But no I love yous
And their minds are anywhere else
Because even though humans are creatures who are meant to have both parents
Our men think of themselves as wild animals
Too rambunctious to be tied to a needy woman