Recoiling, I'M Beyond Useless Poem by Andrus Cassian

Put a sail to me, I'll cross the seven seas
I'll just sink with the ship
that hasn't carried me that far
it's battered and dilapidated
but I'm too lackadaisical to try and fix it
who do I appear to be
do I appear to be someone who would command a person
to choose life over death
do I look like a marriage counselor
I'm just a stupid boy
still trying to find a way out of confusion
I'm sick of myself, sick of everything
I'm not a machine, don't try to perfect me
Society has me hanging from a rope
above treacherous waters
I'm slipping from a world I created
to someplace under a different reign
I was born different, I'm meant to be different
not be stuck in an assembly line of people
that look assembly factored made
I'm in a rage; I hate myself
I've been falling under a radar, becoming a hypocrite
criticizing a group of people
but I've been behaving like one
I'm just a speck in the middle of the world
though I'm being viewed as I've been cloned ten times
I've never been married, no not yet
I'm founding that I sit up at night
giving advice on what to do
when I just want to fade out and sleep
is the whole world against me
I don't have the power to bring someone
back from the dead
I don't have the heart to choose for someone else
What am I supposed to say to keep someone
from taking their life
yet I find myself doing the best I can
the best I can for another person I love
to be buried six feet under
I feel completely useless
I feel beyond useless
What kind of man am I
I'm so far away
too far away for my own good
I'm going insane
everyday, everyday that passes by
yet another person harasses and abuses
my whole world, the only light in my darkness
a love I can never let go
and I can't do anything at all...
I can't do anything at all...
Though I squirm inside my skin
the anger boils in my blood
my fists keep recoiling every second
and all I want
all I need is a moment
one simple moment to punch a hole in every wall I see
I hate the world I live in
but I'm too restricted by an invisible loaded gun
that keeps going off just to have another order
that tries to conform my mind to surrender
but I'm a fighter
Tears don't matter anymore
I've cried my whole life up until now
Now my eyes are a dried well
So I'm just sinking within myself
so tie a sail to me, I'll be the mast
I'll sail across the seven seas
but I'd stop halfway sailing one
because a whirlpool is taking me out of
the light of the sun...