Remembering Five Poem by Tom Courtney

actually
All my younger years finally scrambled
What I really remember
and what I’ve heard repeated so many times
or just told myself
Remembering five
holding the trembling wounded sparrow
frail little one unable now to fly
yet never to be tamed

Remembering five
colors blotted on my mind like a Picasso
bold etched forms speaking and speaking
to me, as they are turned at the edges
bits and pieces cast aside
and rearranged
perhaps a tie or filler some imagination
now and again and forever
I am seeing a different picture

And maybe that was his genius Picasso
brilliant artist that
he painted by earliest essence
just exactly as it is

Now one memory jostles
with another
vying in my mind for equal time
jealous rivalries
Someone received favored treatment
and those of my youngest most insecure
requiring the longest to endure
They require
the deepest poignancy, the boldest splash
to even hope to remain
alive in my mind

One day a fragment lost
next another small detail
then a piece of the patchwork quilt
the jigsaw puzzle
slips away

Older memories tending to blur now
at the edges
accuracy giving way
to my imagination
Old memories now called to attention
no longer on their merits
now answering instead to sentimentality
or my ambition, my insecurity

Remembering five is now
a hazy dream
of running tanks and placing my toy soldiers
in the dirt
underneath a crusty cement overhang
extruded from the foundation of a house

A red bud tree
a large gray cat and superman
who arrived one day
wrapped in an oblong box with bows

And superman flew everywhere
into the trees and closets
behind the sofas and down
the intricate hallways
across the yards to visit Davie Crockett
and even into bed
where he would sleep
with his cape securely
tucked under

Five tugs at me today
and I hear five say
Hey, I am as far back as you can remember
and you have an obligation
to keep me clear
in your mind
already
I am nearly gone

Most of me you lost
in the rough and tumble years
pushing your way through school
a maze of so many classes
joining sports teams
doing homework
and discovering girls

Yes, it was there and all along the way
you gained all that – all of that
and lost most of me
in the process

And hey
I share something with all your other years
please try a little harder
to remember to remember five because
I’m just five once
and I don’t happen again