Retrospective Poem by Jean Renwick

Remember when we first met
Conversation was an easy flow.
I was used to keeping my hurt well hid
But you drew out parts of me I’d tried to forget
How to reach me deep inside you seemed to know.

Together we made promises we believed could last a lifetime
But time and distance made other plans.
You gave me forgiveness and we tried to pretend
While taking all your love I didn’t commit the crime
And been in her heart and in her hands.

I didn’t realise you couldn’t live without my love in return
But I’m still yours, even though I don’t know what to do.
I thought that love could awaken me from fixity.
Your brand into my soul has been burned.
Alas, it only means I can’t imagine life without you.

Every night I think of what I put you through
And every night I die a little.
You have accepted all of me
Yet I cannot freely give to you.
The love I cannot show becomes a thorn, barrier to the petal.