nisha dyrene

Riding A Down

I write my feelings down
I bleed on paper
Cos’ no one gives a damn
Cos’ no one understands
And the one I really need to get me

I am misunderstood

It hurts
How it hurts…
Deep down somewhere I’m broken
I’m bleeding
I’m crying out
And no one hears
And the one I need to listen
Doesn’t care to

Why is it such a big deal?
Why do I need to be understood?

I am angry and I want to die
To silence my pain
I wish some one would shoot a missile out of a gun
And just bow me up
End my existence
Destroy that thinking –feeling part of me.

If I cut out my heart will it stop feeling?

I am crying myself dry
But it seems I am a reservoir
That never runs dry
Just my luck

I put on my happy face
And every ones happy
And no body knows

How is that possible
How can some thing that is eating at me
Be so easily ignored

Cos I am a giver?
And when givers need
They are not wanted?
Because demands are not to be met
And when strong shoulders crumble
No one can bear their weight?

I am being eaten alive
By a cancer of feelings and emotions
An unidentified disease

That no one wants to deal with
Be your usual self
And help me they say
Tell me this and tell me that
Sanction this and OK that

I am more than a computer
I need to be heard
I need to be loved
I need to be understood

But I am not
Cos no one cares enough to help
To disentangle the jumble of emotions that I am
No one wants me to fall apart
Cos no one knows or wants to put me together

I have been strong always
And must always will be

In the end I am alone
I must stand alone
And only god helps
And only god cares

And only god understands.

Poem Submitted: Thursday, May 1, 2008

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