Rudolph The Reindeer Goes Missing Poem by Martin Ward

Whilst Santa was Jingle Jogging
around Derby's Markeaton Park,
he noticed that Rudolph
was missing (he believed)
and the consequence
was alarmingly stark:
who will pull my sleigh
this Christmas Eve?

In a panicking sweat, poor old Santa
threw off costume, Lycra and all,
and texted his PA Elizabeth Swollocks,
to give the Park Rangers a call.

'Have you seen a strange creature
called Rudolph, who looks like
a hat rack with fur?
He could be paddling
in the Mundy Play Centre,
or donkey riding, he might prefer.'

Just then, a mighty crunching
came from the allotments
next to the park,
where the remnants
of root vegetables
that make you see
in the dark, led Santa
to the errant reindeer
and allotmenteers
who were narked.
(They were supposed to be tending
their Brussel Sprouts, but were
drinking rum and coffee from a flask) .

But soon the gardeners were beaming,
as Rudolph had left behind
heaps of presents still steaming:
golden nuggets that would remind
them of the visit
of Santa's Reindeer,
and the promise of exquisite
carrots next year!