Schizophrenia Untitled #1 - Poem by Thomas Dorman
You enquire as to the graceful curvature in my arms.
'What gateway pain needed transferred to make a mess like you?
Hmm....? ' Psychiatrists couldn't come runnning quick enough -
First round they squared me up to a student;
I blew his educated little mind.
I gave him reason to wake:
Unanswerable questions, &
he gave me many pills to take.
And I'd take it all all, if you can
Take it all away, bring me back
A newer, serious version of myself -
Christ, anything's better than this Hell.
Turning in these worn-out sheets,
Moon glaring on puddles in my streets
I wonder about the dead of night - what goes
On when the living sleep & I'm left with ghosts?
Have you made the same mistakes as me?
Have you lived a life without knowing how to feel?
Have you smiled inside your way through the Abyss
And hoped you'd never feel again such a sour, second-rate kiss?
Did you lose love for mother? Did you
Watch father kick her to death - did you? !
Trouble is - in light of this, are you even aware
That it's kinda sad you just don't care?
Have you read so many voices,
Heard so many speeches & rejoices
So false you could just spew?
Has someone said 'I love you'?
Is your life sufficiently over? Are you done 'n'
Dusted, or are you gonna keep on running?
Did you do it, what's more than this -
Did you do it your way? D'you find bliss?
No, I didn't think so. It's a likely tale:
I've heard it all before - from uncles & ale,
Lovers & wine, friends & vodka, exes & gin,
Father & whisky... & anything from the bargain bin.
Been there, done that, bought the whole ensemble?
Did you see the Blind & lead them? Said 'contemple-les'
My dear, what do their dardant eyes hope to find
Staring at unknown skies - god bless the blind;
They know less woe than you & I, I guess -
Your failing smile's a cliché, I must confess
I don't love you anymore, y'see? It's done;
What used to be two, is now it's proper one.
We can come together, but only hold hope
That love is shared & felt the same. 'Elope'?
Are you mad? (don't answer that - I knew
You'd say I was the crazy one, not you.)
You think such a cheap stab helps at all?
You tell me you love me? - set me up for a fall.
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