Scorning The Love Within Poem by Brandon Dahl

Scorning The Love Within

Rating: 3.5


I look at them in disgust,
All these lovers that gather at dusk,
The pain they will know, when they grow old,
I have already experienced this I am told,

By the voices in my head,
They whisper their curses,
The voices tell me kill them,
I repress these emotions, tell them no,
Ringing in my ears, is what usually follows,

Wake in the morning, a couple is murdered,
I wonder why i'm so tired this morn,
Head off to work, when in my way,
Lies a box with a cat and her spawn,

A frown appears unknowingly upon my face,
Why should they know the emotion called love,
They don't deserve to know such a thing,
again the voices tell me to do something,
I repress the feeling, walk on my way,

Startled I'm upon a bridge, a kid with wet eyes asks me,
'Why did you do it big man, Why did you throw them over the edge? '
Uncontrollably I utter,
'They were going to die, so I did them in, thats all there is to it, little kid'
I gasp from emotions held in, let out a howl, that goes,
'AHAHAHAHA! ! '
It echoes around,

Another days work is now done,
I creep to the park to wait until dusk,
Sit upon a bench unnoticed, Or so I believed,

A lady sits down next to me,
Acts as if she doesnt notice me noticing her,
Puts on her makeup while peeking at the reflection that is me,
I know what shes thinking, ill make her wishes come true,
you've come to the god of love and destruction,

Grab her from behind, she lets out a cry,
I snap her neck and wander away,
Come upon a couple, withdraw my penknife,
Slashing the love in between,
Screaming ensues, I've been witnessed,
I run for the trees, disappearing into the evening,

Cops now patrol the area regularly,
But I've moved on, the voices are sated.

This is not me, i'm telling you now, Im just making a character from my mind,
I hope you enjoyed I'm very sorry for those that dont, but I like to write gruesome prose.

POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
Came up with this on a whim while imagining a person with murderous intent who hates love
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Michael Round 03 August 2012

This is a daring piece and quite well done. But addressing the poetry - first stanza has a rhyme layout, second does not... then rhyming is sporadic. I tend to think you rather rushed this and could have got something better out of it... like the kid... to finish that stanza - 'and over he too flows' would be even more brutal. I gave it a 7 which is getting to be a high score for me. Am I right that you did not revise this... say,15 times... to see what you could wring out of it... (but do stick to poetry only!)

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