Self Discovery Doa Poem by Theresa Haffner

Self discovery in a park
frequented by senior citizens

self discovery in a car where i have driven
to be away from you

try to remember
who i am

try to remember
who i used to be
try to remember who i can be

without you

i used to be somebody
i could have been someone
i want to be somebody
got to be away from you

self discovery on a page
that i have written

self discovery in a rose

self discovery in the smoke
of a hit of rock cocaine

sad eyed lady of the lowlands

she writes poetry

she wants to be free

she dreams of
a different life
away from me

reborn

i am living a virtual life
every day om line
in front of my computer

bathed in the light of the
computer screen

a world of screen names
and passwords- -administrative
and subordinate accounts

a cyber world
that is being created
i am a digital personality
roughly formed
to live in it

online every day
i log in multiple hours
serene motionless static
almost catatonic

i exist as data – multiple keystrokes and code
hypertext markup

in my house there is
neither pen nor pencil

for recreation i play
a computer game

when i look back
i can see only your face

when i look forward i
see you there with me

in the morning i must plot my escape
in the evening i must get away

mid life crisis closing in
it gets closer every day
gets more dangerous with every curve

bad angel heading my direction

there is no sign of the good angel

the demon subduer is
only an elf
an imp concealed on a shelf
for the world to control


house of cards
we are living in

captured in a jar
in a glass in a hospital
in a room full of roses

and i am not alone
no longer think of myself as i
think of myself only as we
because i am no longer here

i do not exist

once we were two—
the two become one

because love exists
we unite
become the same person

now we think the same thoughts
finish eachother’s sentences

with the unity comes assimilation
the new person takes part of my soul
the part i need to continue
the part i need to combine
the new soul carries on
leaving me unable to complete

only

i wish i could be alive

but i am never without you
till death do us part

i think i will die
today

there is a rose

she lives in these urban hills
where she reproduces
she procreates others like herself
she passes down a way of life
based on herself

a value system
for others to revere and emulate

caught in the mirror
no longer a search light soul

the love exists
it is too strong
blinded by the light

love bliss fusion

two souls become one

i wander in a trance

a double star

one nucleus
the other revolves around it

i can’t get out of this room

there is no way out

there is no
escape

there can only be
acceptance

surrender

and death

we two are one

open fire two guitars

she is too strong to confront
i would not survive

i can still run

i turn the key in the ignition
the car shudders to life

i ease into the traffic
i will go as far as i can
as fast as i can

i am running for my life

i turn the cell phone off
i head away from downtown
on the freeway i gather speed
blending with the traffic
heading toward the beach

street signs mark the exits
now coming to the outskirts
of the city
abruptly i turn inland
away from civilization
up a mountain cliff

as i gain elevation
my headlights penetrate
the hairpin turns

near the summit i gaze
out across the city lights

if i die today she would probably have
a state funeral for me

she would honor me
with testimonials and
multiple gun salutes

she will attribute me
with making it possible
for her to love

she will know i’ve gone
to a better place

but i still live on
inside of her

in her memory

i have gone as far as i can

when she finds me
and she will find me

she will find the car abandoned

self discovery DOA.....................