Self Hate Poem by Cati Walthall

I hate the sound of my heart beat
I hate the feeling of my pulse
I hate seeing me breathe another breath
That I don't deserve to breathe at all
Besides...
I'm not even living
My heart is beating
My pulse is normal
My breathing is okay
but I'm deader than a door knob
I'm the walking dead
Full of life on the outside
but behind the closed doors
I'm nothing but a corpse
There are kids with cancer
Kids who are dying
Dying to have the life I have
and I can't be thankful for this life
No matter how hard I try
I always find the bad side
I can't smile and move on
I can't be happy with what I've got
I should of been the one with cancer
They want to live
and I have days where I want to die
They smile and laugh even though they are dying
but I sit and cry because I'm living
They're praying for one more day
and I'm praying that this will be my last
I'm so selfish and needy
so that's why I deserve to die fast