Self Introspection Hour Poem by Leena Amwaalwa

I had people blowing out my candle behind my back while declaring heaven and earth in my face.
I had people hollering they'll fight with me, for me but when the time came, all they did was whisper inaudible support.
I had people promising to stand in my corner, come what may but when shove came to push, there was only one hand. Mine.
I had people affirming that they got my back, all the way. Well, the last time I checked my back was up against a hard concrete wall.
I had people calling me favour girl, but when I needed to collect I couldn't reach them.
So you see, excuse me if I don't show enthusiasm to your well polished words because well polished is just too slick for me.
Excuse me if I don't clap to your declarations because even strong words don't hold water.
Excuse me if I tune out your reassuring voice because your reassurance is just not reassuring enough for me.
Excuse me if I don't invite you to my feast, because I only know how to cheer alone.
Excuse me if I don't reach out to you anymore, because I just realized that I'm truly all I have.
Excuse me if I don't acknowledge your presence anymore, because your being there has just become another background noise.
Excuse me if I don't accept your support because the strings attached are visible even from this far.
Excuse me for declaring that I am, I can and I will. Because I am, I can and I will!