Show Up Poem by Saphira Carter

I got asked a question that made me hurt inside.
I got asked when the last time my dad was a real father.
I wanted to give an example but I couldn't find one.
He's not a parent but he's not a friend either.
He's someone who's in my life because he's forced to be.
I barely see him now.
I kind of prefer it that way though.
Now I don't care if he shows up or not.
I'm not that 7 year old girl waiting by the front door for her dad to show up anymore.
I used to wait all day on Thursdays for him to come see me.
Then when he didn't show up I'd cry in my room for hours.
I never told him about it though.
I didn't want him to get mad at me and not show up again.
Now I don't show emotion to anyone,
I'm afraid they won't come back if I show them the wrong ones.
Now when I'm over there I don't show the pain and tears.
They make me look weak.
I save them for the night.
When I'm all alone and no one can see how much it hurts.
They send me to sleep after all thoughts running through my head,
Not one of them good.
I wish my dad was a real father.
I want him to try.
I want him to be here for me.
I'm just used to him not and I should probably stay use to it