Sisyphus....For M Poem by r james sterzinger

she wants me
to turn my mind
toward the light
my eyes maybe
even a little deeper than that
my poems are too dark she says

what I won't tell her
that much like Atlas
this is how I have chosen
to shoulder the weight
of my world
nurse my confidence wounds
that are large and deep

more than a few doctors
therapists and pharmacologists
have tried to extract my devils
a few Pentecostal pastors too
(with mixed results)

now I drive across town
to the Orthodox Church
where my priest and I
examine my sins
and my life
and dissect my spiritual growth

we get into it all
put it all under the microscope
like entomologists
trying to kill the roaches
that have moved from my psyche
and have taken over the control board

but she has asked me
to turn toward the light
and though today is dark
cloudy, with a hint of rain
she has told me her story
and I shall take a chance
change my outlook
change the way
I write these poems

like Sisyphus
I shall again put my shoulder
against the boulder
and roll my darkness up the hill
so I can see the horizons
stretched before me

like that apocalypse
angel in the end
that rolls it all
into a scroll
I shall (try to) turn my mind
to poems with a brighter
hint of light

my private mountain
may crumble though
and maybe, just maybe
the shredded
pieces of me
will heal
or at least mend

because someone
decided to challenge me
to do so, has shown me
it can be done
like no one has before

one never knows
what pool God will give you
to wash your blind eyes in
so you can see the light again
does one?