Smoke And Razors Poem by Paige Rydell

If tonight, for one night, my new love didn't love me
We could reminisce, my dear, deep in the sheets
But I can't.
Forgive me, my dear, I'm his.
You showed your cards to late.

My memories of you are tinted with the haze of time.
My friends say we were bad for each other,
That I hated you more than I loved you.
I don't remember the pain anymore,
But our fire and passion are impossible to forget.
I was ready to give in
But you were enjoying your freedom
Two sides of the same coin.
You wrecked me.
Your mark slowly faded and my façade fell.
Shaking, sobbing, an x to mark the spot.

It's faded now, too faint for him to notice.
But the attacks are back.
I'm sorry if I kept you up that night
You stopped me from crossing the tracks.
Again. Again. Again.
When you heard about us, suddenly you were gone.
I needed you and he was here.

He doesn't understand, but he loves me.
He is clear and he takes care.
He can have me.
And as much as I wish you would.
Do not wait.
He may discover the cracks,
But how they got there will remain a mystery.
After this is all said and done,
He may decide a fractured doll isn't worth the time.
The damage isn't permanent,
But porcelain is not easy to mend.
The scars won't ever disappear.
It won't ever be new.

I'm happy when I'm with him.
Always happy.
When I'm alone in the safety of my sheets,
I have moments when I remember and I forget.
The feelings of the past overwhelm me
And I loose myself.
The glue becomes visible
Angry lines holding my skin together
I think of you, my muse
And the words flow imprecisely and imperfectly.
These words, meant for my eyes alone;
Therapy that keeps the smoke and razors away.
Almost as good as you.
Almost.
I'll see you tomorrow
Submit myself to the agony it will bring in the quiet night
But in the daylight, I will savor you
Content with pleasant conversation
Craving more, but alas my dear.

If tomorrow, for one night, my new love didn't love me
We could reminisce, my dear, deep in the sheets
But I can't.
Forgive me, my dear, I fold.