Some Stuff About Love. Poem by Alison Rosalie

it was strange,
today, when i observed
you play a videogame

and i sat back in my
confusion for my lack
of emotion after lovemaking

watching us both reflected
in your t.v. screen – you,
face contorted in concentration,

wincing me blurry in the background
waiting to say something, wondering
when i would recognize my real feelings.

and seconds or minutes (they
always pass strange) before, when we
were gasping diagonally across your covers

i stared too hard to try and make out
the you i knew outside of that knot,
the you who seconds prior

was glimpsed groping me by
a mirror’s view, who even minutes
ahead of that, held me ‘round my ribcage

and pointed to the winter trees below,
all scattered in a forest of frost for
miles i didn’t know existed in this city

smiling into my hair and extending
your arm to show me where the sun
falls on your face in the mornings;

running your finger along the cityline, stopping
where it sets; but i remember of that moment my arms
cradling yours, and the feeling of our frosty claws

thawing, making the wintertrees glancing up
glower at our harmonized warmth as we
stepped back and kissed continuously ‘til

we were twisted in sheets, two separate
situations in one sentimental synchronization
before we had to stop and stammer for air.

you left the room then to fetch a smoke
and play post-mood music while i slowly
slid my clothes back on and stared blindly

at the trees, grimacing as i looked inwardly,
contemplating how i was not feeling
the way i had convinced myself i felt.

you reappeared remarking it smelled
like sex, smiling as i laughed strangely at your
everpresent open jokes while you lit your cigarette;

we made our way soon to the living room
where you sat and made me play an
embarrassing display of that stupid game

and, frustrated, i let you show me up
while i sat back and wondered, still,
why i could not see my feelings.

but looking into that reflected scene
remembering every reflection we had
ever existed in together, i studied

your focused face and my tiny
heart tugged at me; in the bigger
picture i saw our situation, our

strangely setup past, and i turned to
find you the same lover i had
swooned with so many times,

the same face reflected in the
movie cover-like display and i
let my tired head tumble

against your shoulder and hugged
you ‘round the waist when
you grew weary of that game

and subsequently let me lie
sleepily on your chest whilst
you spoke to me

and i felt it then, my
sentiments, shaking afraid
beneath layers of pain

and i comprehended clearly that
my fearful feelings were just
concealed, and at last i could exhale;

looking up into your
lively eyes and sighing,
i finally let it all go -

let fear by fear float away
in time to the heartbeat
stammering softly
under my ear.