Still Smiling Poem by Melissa Joy Chesky

Waiting for it
Waiting
for the suspected
I've thought it before -
mere suspicion
paranoia

But
with the
deadening of my thoughts;
like a slap across
the face
with the splintered panel -
snapping cords
exploding blood vessels
shattering cranial bone
and moltening vertabrae,
like a Mack truck
head on
knocking me off
my unstable feet
thirty thousand pounds
of the truth
squared on my
empty lungs
caving feeling
crumbling confidence,
like reaching
through my body
from miles away
and ripping out
my gaping heart;

this is how it feels
to be vulnerable.
Your heart exposed
to all elements -
all hell.
completely on the spot.


And oddly
with fragility
racking my frame

I'm still smiling