Put away your cupcakes,
Lock up the chocolate chips:
The hostess is in mourning –
Ahoy sank with his ship.
The water took him, yet the sea
Would not give up her salt to me
To mix with flavors vinneg’ry,
And offered me no sympathy.
There is no joy in Mudville,
The peanuts all went sour:
Spits and chews expired –
It was their finest hour.
Candy once was dandy,
Chips were too, that’s the truth:
But they’re gone now, as are
The days of Baby Ruth.
Stop all the trucks from making
Deliveries near and far:
The pretzels have gone out on strike,
There are no candy bars.
They were my moon, my stars, my sugar rush,
They quenched my need for salt:
But now the bars are up on Mars;
I swear it’s not my fault.
They were my breakfast in the morning,
My snack time before bed:
Like soldiers in precision rows,
Now all the chips are dead.
Even airplanes lost their snacks;
The passengers all grumbled:
Where once were stored in racks of stacks
All the cookies crumbled.
Stop all the trucks from making
Deliveries far and near:
There are simply no more corn nuts
To accompany that beer.
The Universe is ending soon,
There’s nothing left to say:
Blue, gold or brown, the chips are down
Throughout the Milky Way.
Rebuttal: Send in the Trucks
Send in the trucks,
I’ve found a way
To accept fate,
To be okay:
So be of cheer,
It will be fine;
Instead of beer
Have cheese and wine.
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