Suffocate Poem by Robert Burgan

Suffocate



(On broken nights I sit in darkness handcrafting damnation with my unkempt claws the screaming silence rattles my eardrums I'm face to face with ancient flaws. As the walls begin to close, I begin to open wide; loneliness is a loaded gun ready to unleash the tortured soul inside.)
Sit behind my candelabra melting down like molten lava
Chanting hymns like tragic operas never place me in a genre
Destined to complete the saga win the war against the monster
Sitting in my skin mixed up with my own impostor
I don't know myself, so how can you know me?
Skimming through identities I always end up sad and lonely
Demons still control me I'm the only bridge left burning
Sit and accept the state I'm in fate that I continue earning
Turning to punishment just to keep me on my game
I should sit and think about the consequences that remain
Hard up for a change, credibility I chase
My story is the wood that I throw in the fireplace

Think it's time that I fed the fire, suffocate under my desire
Overcome everything before I turn into a tragedy.

(Once the tortured soul got let out of his mental holding cell, it compelled a captive audience shackled to their own good nature shells. Tell them I apologize, I was the Jekyll behind the Hyde, they only saw the former but the latter was the Revelator in disguise)
Walking down the streets decaying hoping for something to save me
Change me back into a human with a soul without displaying everything that made me crazy
I can feel the fiction fading, hazy skies and shaking ground I'll erupt inside my daydreams
That would be the perfect ending; I could be the story arch
I could be the hero and the villain in that work of art
Somewhere cold you'll find her heart another person torn apart
By a liar dressed in flesh I am my own worst evidence
Never should have gotten close, never should have let it grow
Now her joy is on my hands I pulled it from her brittle bones
Empty, with no self-control, useless void, selfish soul
I'm the devil in the details, details pave every road

Think it's time that I walk alone suffocate under self-control
Last chance to bloom and breathe before I turn into a tragedy

(After all was said and done I was still a loaded son of a gun bathing in denial, drying up with bitterness branded on my broken body drenched in blood. The hour of judgement loomed above me, the road I paved was getting grim and bare I walked my final stretch of life, I suffocate under my own fresh air.)
Villain in my eyes is shady overcomes me as of lately
Feels so good to be the one to gut you when you patronize me
All of you who doubt me and underestimate my mind state, I tried to change!
Crawled out of my hiding place so the world could see my horror, witness what they created
Aggravated, isolated, universal hatred painted on their shocked, disgusted faces
This is what comes of your wasted opportunities to appreciate my gentle nature
I've had enough of two faced people who claim I'm jaded
When they're the ones who suffocated me underneath their judgement
Face it…
I'm just another tortured soul who lashed out when he couldn't take it any longer
Became a victim of the world that you complicated.

POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
In May of 2016 I sat alone, drug addicted and mentally unstable in my one person motel bedroom. I was so good at lying that I was capable of lying to myself, this piece was written during that two month period and it basically tells of how I felt about myself. It almost foreshadows what I knew subconsciously would end up happening, admits my guilt and shame, defines the entire time period.

Written April-May 2016
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