The Poem by Robert Kirkland Kernighan

I 'll do it right I 'll take my perch,
I 'll hev no snickerin in the church ;
An I will thump the man, d' ye see,
Who heaves a hickory nut at me !
By the holy Mo scuse me.

Gimme a chaw thanks Miss Brown '11 lead
The quoir as usual gimme a match

An all that troo believers need
To do is come and lift the latch.

This painful dooty I 've to do,

The pastor he hez arsked me to ;
But if some funny chap, d' ye see,
Shud heave a nest egg up at me,
By the holy Mo scuse me.

The wimmin they will sit on one,

The gents upon the other side ;
And I will keep my eyes upon

The one who tries to act up snide.
I '11 sing a bass to every psalm,
An run the service cool an calm ;

But look ahere, my friends, d' ye see,

If someone hollers ' Rats ' at me,

By the holy Moses hum scuse me.