The Defeat (A Spoken Word Poem) Poem by Rola AlGhoul

I am retreating into myself…What a lonely place to be
Deep within me are safe doubts and familiar enemies.
I know them all too well…I keep going back to them
They`re Dark as poison, venomous, toxic relief
I keep going back to this same place. Cold as corpse; dead and lifeless
Comforting none the less
It's a pain I cannot resist, like self-mutilation!
Is it self-pity? No, it's self-suffocation
Why do I do this to myself? I place myself in poor situations
And then I hate myself for it!
I crawl back into my mind where I beat myself up for being myself.
I kick me down; I beat me up and defeat myself…unintentionally…
Do you still think I could ever love myself? Or is it too late for me?