The Foolish Bachelorhood Poem by LIGHTCHEERFUL BRIGGS

Who is the witness that can testify to set him free?
That he never slept a night with a woman beside him.
'Yes, I have seen him wooed them, they who are pretty-looking;
They who are in the flower of their age and who were never deflowered.
I have seen him studied hard to become a master of oratory
That he may persuade the loving hearts of women anywhere
To make them yield up their virgins' patents unto his lordship
And by his good command of Queen's English language
They who vowed chaste life to keep came tripping-by
And at the sound of his seductively constructed words from his sugar-coated lips,
He ravished their chastity and plundered their maidenheads at their will-
Good dishes well prepared and preserved for those who were born to eat them,
For he enjoys the aroma of fornication and never slept alone at night.

I have even heard folks named him ‘World Best'; some called him Merci
For he is a player, skillful in invading the hearts of women with deception;
And at his tender eclogues extemporaneously composed in conversation
He inflames women with desire and makes them pull their pants down their knees willfully
And when he passes-by, the scent of his perfume calls women with lustful gaze,
Thus, creating in them an intense desire of him and sky-rocketing their sexual libidos
That they run home, mix black and white to reflect their artificial beauty
To look sexually appealing to his philandering heart to get laid with him.
Alas, like a sparrow's eyes he failed not to see the green light they blink on him
And like a gluttonous cat and a voracious eater, he quickly exploits their maidenheads
And so much pride he had in living the life of a careless randy single man
Thus was sentenced to single-cell but later was jailed to live in bachelorhood.'

Oh foolish bachelorhood, know you not that my time is ripe for marriage?
How much longer will you hold me still, living as your prisoner?
Why have you made yourself my jailer in all these wasted years?
Have you not held me prisoner for thirty-one years living in single-cell?
And you infused into me never ending desire of marriage as your way of torture,
Yet has denied me that office where I shall turn a spinster into a wife
For it is in the turning of a spinster a wife that a bachelor turns a husband.
Now they ask, 'Is it for fear to wet a widow's eyes that I consume myself in single-cell? '
And why have you refused me entering into marital prison rather than single-cell?
Alas! I curse your grip on me bachelorhood; take off from my body your single-cell garment
But decorate me with the black suit of marital prison that I may live therein,
For they who love me and she who conceived me bids me take my place in marriage.

O shame to my jailer bachelorhood and foul dishonor to you single-cell
For charging the injuries of many maiden on the inventions of my mouth;
And I will not let my tongue be mute when they shall charge me with so black many deeds:
Did you not remember when love lacked a dwelling and made me her dwelling?
That she will pay me her rent of dwelling in me by giving me love-infected heart
That these maidens' eyes stuck over my face and my beauteous form,
Demanding a portion in my love-infected heart for a dwelling without rent;
And a piece of my heart did I gave them which was with time duration
But a piece of their hearts they failed to give to fit into my bleeding heart
Only but accused of heart-breakings, tortured and jailed in single-cell;
Whereas I am as innocent as my accusers and they as guilty as I could be.
For as much hearts as I have broken same are they that bled my heart.

O' Lord my Judge, discharge and acquit me from all charges and from single-cell
For I am barren of all accusations now that I have left Egypt for Jerusalem;
And thus, I chose to be a lawful captive, to be imprisoned in that marital prison
With she whom I will chose that three copies of myself may be printed
Whereon when nature calls me to be gone, copies of my form have I left behind.
Alas! This grace I desire of Thee my Lord, and I shall with thousand thanks pay Thee.