The Gonnor Poem by Samuel Bamford

A Gonnor dwells o'th' Barrowfells,
O, he's a meety gonnor:
Of gonnors o', he bears the bells,
An' surely that's a honour;
Some time ago, as yo' mun kno',
Authority wur gin him,
To banish ducks, fro' dams an' brucks,
If after daylit swimmin'.

As looks 'a gentleman o'th' teawn,'
When stuff't wi' public dinner,
Upon a cholic grip'n cleawn,
A hungry, wand'rin sinner;
As looks at my poor rhymin' ripp
A welkin-born Pegasus;
So awful looks his gonnorship,
As o'er the wave he passes.

He chanc't to look into a nook,
An' theer espy'd wi' pleasure,
Some duckys bent o' merriment,
Just tipplin' at their leisure;
Then swell'd his breast, an' he his crest
Tow'rd heaven he distended;
An' deep he swore, by flood an' shore,
Their manners shud be mended.

Neaw ducks, yo' known, cry quack, quack,
quack,
An' geese dun hiss and cackle,
An' this, a tawkin' is their mack,
When they'n a mind to rattle:
So, void of grace, wi' brazent face,
He in goose-language tow'd 'em,
'At he durst swear, by th' book o' prayer,
They'rn nowty ducks fro' Owdham.

Beneath his wing he had a thing,
An' quickly eawt he pood it,
'Twur painted blue, an' yallo' too,
An' to these ducks he show'd it;
He sed 'twur sent by th' Cormorant,
At op at Lunnun keawers,
To banish ducks fro' dams an' brucks,
At after sartin heawers.

The ducks did pray 'at they mut stay
Just too' thre minnits longer;
But Mester Goose did quick refuse,
Which caus'd no little anger;
Then swoarn the ducks, wi' pottert plucks,
Who gaily had been fuddlin',
'At they'dn' stop, while the're a drop
O' weatur fit to puddle in.

The goose did sail, an' tow'd his tale
Unto a meety sea-gull;
But wisperin' foke at th' back dun tawk,
That gull wur but a ray-gull:
Bee't as it may, my neyburs say,
'At th' drake fro' wom mun wander,
An' the goose wi' th' bell, has provet itsel,
An addle-yeded gonthur.