julio anzueto

The Heart Beat Of Defeat

life became a game of alcohol and my actions became unethical.
do or die became an excuse to get high, and forget there was still light after the night.
i was on the sidelines when drugs took over my soul, the referee forgot to call that foul.

i had goals to meet and dreams to reach, but nothing was the same after i tried those beans.
thought i suffered from asthma, but i was just suffocating on my own drama.
the life i once had, ran off, just like dad it also took off, now the light of my soul is powering off.

the ladder i was climbing turned slippery, i fell down thanks to my arrogance.
something took over me, it was stress, it came to me before i had success.
i believed on being the best, but i got caught up with the rest.

hold on man, it aint easy to hear you say, you thought life was only a play, this aint a game.
you had moments of clarity, you saw your dreams beat reality, but you gave your strength out for charity.
your words raise many to their feet, but i did not realize your heart beat was close to defeat.

it was hard to realize my life was being washed away when i was the one leading the way, acting like i was not afraid.
I died, simply gave up, lost my car, my life, even lost the girl meant to be my wife.
the words I used on others were the words I wanted to hear from my brothers but those words can only come from a mother.

there was no greater enemy to me than the tablets that took me away from reality and dragged me away from my family.
surrounded by friends who offer me a home, i did'nt know one day they were all going to run off leaving me looking like a gnome in front of my dad's home.
they were good friends at least they didnt leave me out in the street, where i could have gotten cold feet.

'my love, it wasn't easy to see you grow up just to see you and your life blow up, your actions tore my heart up but i still backed you up.
always will be your mom, but i often wonder were you still my son?
your sisters often ask 'me where's our bro'? i have no answer and we cry looking at that picture of you with that crazy fro.'

it wasn't easy to turn my life into ruins, see i had to turn my destiny against me and reach for broken dreams.
it was a well elaborated plan and perfectly executed, but i still don't know who was the master mind behind it.
i tried to stay on my toes, but i had too many foes.
i lost my glow, my heart froze all together with my soul.
my heart now beats to the rhythm of defeat.

Poem Submitted: Friday, October 2, 2009
Poem Edited: Monday, November 2, 2009

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