The Hope I Bring And Cause And Sing! Poem by Marcus Czarnecki

Yesterday morning I sat and wept.
My legs.. so weak. I couldn't walk.
I let it in, acknowledging my distraught grief.
I became me once more.
My blood so low in oxygen.
I was in the hospital for a blood transfusion

As I sat and wept, uncontrollably... so my friend.. nurses came to me
Cooing with concern and love.
Causes made to build respect and friendship returned back.. karmic support from the universe in its entirety as they poured gentle concern over my heaving shoulders and my wet face mask.

"It's not like you Marcus"
A shock to me
A shock to them

They supported me in being myself at that moment.
With my tears they caused my transfusion to be speeded up..

Happily chatting to the man in the next bed as I wiped my tears and told him why I was crying..

He understood! ! .. and because 'men don't cry' our 2 hour-long conversation was real and profound and movingly honest.

I couldn't hide my momentary weakness from others nor from myself.
I enjoyed the therapeutic dropping of my tears
Rivulets of deep acceptance of my leukaemia and the stopping and starting and changing of chemotherapy medicine type and doses took its toll.

My manhood wasn't compromised at all.
It was seen for what it was and accepted..
Cherished
Made me stronger.
I was heroic despite my weeping

As I left I sought out the nurses who supported my life without judgement..

Without judgement, I thanked them for their earnest friendship and concern.

They thanked me.

The hope I bring through my attitude has emboldened the hearts of volunteers, consultants, nurses, fellow patients (my tribe.. we face and outface our blood journeys together. Men and women. Non-binary. Old and young. My tribe..) With renewed hope.. Odd to see me in tears..

Joy increasing
Total acceptance of myself as I am
Staying true even if it means sharing those emotions

Three hours of blood transfused.
O resus negative
Hot Chocolate drank
New friends made
Joy and sadness
A difficult place - full of hopes and desperation.

Come! ..lets us transform each other and cry 'hope' with dialogues of courage and love..
And show the kind of recognition only we can share.

It's all in the blood.


Written as a Leukaemia patient on my visit to hospital and finally realising I couldn't walk freely - following 7 weeks of hospitalisation and lots of chemotherapy