The Hypochondriac's Symptoms Poem by Sheena Blackhall

abscesses, acne, Alzheimer's, anorexia
Aspergers autism arthritis, asthma
boils, B.O., brucellosis, b-polar
bronchitis, bunions bulimia

cancer, constipation, covid. cystitis
claustrophobia, clap, conjunctivitis
diarrhoea, diabetes, death, dementia,
earache, e-coli, epilepsy, Ebola

fibroids, flu, fractures, fetishes, fainting
gangrene, glaucoma, gingivitis, groaning.
herpes, high blood pressure, HRT
heart attack, hysteria, hysterectomy

impetigo and insomnia, insanity
jiggers, jaundice, kidney stones, kleptomania,
lobotomy, leukaemia, labyrinthitis
migraine, menopause, malaria

neuralgia, norovirus, nasal polyps, nits
oedema, OCD, obesity,
piles, phlebitis, prolapse, pleurisy and polio
quinsy, quadriplegia, rhinoplasty

syphilis, scurvy, sprain, spasm, stroke,
smallpox, schizophrenia, septic shock
tinnitus, T.B. typhoid, tracheotomy
ulcers, underactive thyroid, UTI

varicose veins, verrucae, vertigo
warts, worms, whooping cough, waist-hip ratio
X-rays, yellow fever, yeast infection
zika virus…the hypochondriac's last suspicion