The Middle Poem by Nicola (IG siftpausespeak) Pillai

You got distance, relief, and healthy distraction.
I was held by responsibility, restraining reaction.
For you, novelties, travels far and wide.
For me, holding down the fort became a thorn in my side.

We both bought into this future plan of ours,
Retirement security, all worth a couple of scars.

I soon came to learn, oh, the lesson cut deep,
The flashbacks still find me, break me open, make me weep.
I thought I could fix you, guide you, help you understand,
Shield your pain, comfort you, wasn't that part of the plan?

Was I mistaken? I'm confused, where did I fall through?
By understanding your wounds, was I obligated to bleed for you?

The imbalance made me dizzy, so much I couldn't stand,
The quiet cost of holding us together in one hand.

We adapted. We pivoted when the world pushed full force,
Learned how to ride the wave until it ran its course.

Silence and bending, born from a place of love,
No inner brakes, no discipline, when the coulds replaced shoulds.

The impact of your actions landed differently for us both,
I'm still living with the weight of what it broke.

Your logical explanations walked calmly away,
While I stood emotionally stranded, unsure how to stay.

Whatever comes, let it meet me whole,
Not as the keeper of another soul.
I'm done confusing strength with staying still,
I now choose a life, that meets my will.