The Silence That My Heart Has Felt Poem by Zaffar Qureshi

I look for outside myself,
the silence that my heart has felt.
Ask me what it is to hear,
these silent cries of woe.
Through my unwillingly beating heart,
melancholy flows,
flows into my veins,
and stops at my eyes,
eyes that are too reluctant to
accompany my smile.
What is happiness to me you ask?
An incessant noise.
Embers of grey rise,
and the ash settles on my dying skin,
the only sensation of warmth,
to which I'makin.
What is it to live,
in a perpetually dying state?
To cage emotions in words?
What is it you wish to hide?
My mind looks through you,
my heart into your eyes.
Love does for good make you blind.
But is a blindness too blind,
to see the physical as divine.
Words dropped from your lips,
enter my heart, break my ribs.
Weakness ladens my breath,
you seek freedom,
and I seek death.
Unaware future,
forgetful past.
How does time for an eternity last?
The darkness that seeped through my window last night,
gently sat on my sleeping eyes.
It is an effort to open them now
nothingness weighs too much on me somehow.
I am everything inside of me,
but that isn't what you can see.
You look for words to hold on to,
I know I am utterly insufficient for you.
Where do I start and where do I stop?
What do I say and what not?
How does one capture what isn't there,
my soul is aimlessly blowing air.