Crystal Williams

Rookie (July 26,1990 / Sacamento California)

The Teenage Heart - Poem by Crystal Williams

Teenage years are those phases in a person’s life when they try to distinguish the rights and wrongs and make an effort to decipher the untold stories of the world. Some people have said that in these years, a teenager may find themselves caught in a whirl wind of mysteries. The effect of the uncertainty they encounter, is the quest for an honest friend. Someone they can confide in, tell all their secrets, and be themselves with. They search for someone that can understand them and accept them for who they truly are. They are eager to discover that person who can guide and accompany them through the many challenges that the teenage years can acquire. Therefore, it can be said that the root of a teenage love, is the mere pursuit of a genuine friendship.

“What is love, ” asks a questionable youth. Some say that love is in fact the aspect due to which romance is conjured up into a relationship. Others believe that love is something that is individually determined and can not be measured by the eye. It is said by some that a teenage love most likely wouldn’t last a lifetime, but can be an experience in which the individual can take with them throughout their lifetime. Those experiences can create a more clear vision into relationships and can help teens construe future situations that are destined to come. The question shouldn’t be what is love, but what factors should they analyze before deciding to venture into an unknown direction.

As teens venture onto the journey of the heart, these are a few questions that they should ask themselves before entering into a relationship with someone. What kind of person are they? Do they believe in the same things that you do? Do they have similar preferences? Can they see themselves having time for the other person and vice versa? What attributes do they obtain that make them the kind of person that you might allow your parents to meet? Does the person you’re considering pay attention to your dilemma and strive to help you find happiness in your successes and failures? Does the person you’re considering respect your decisions, opinions, and views? Last but not least, does the person you’re considering truly appreciate and comprehend who you are as an individual, not as a boyfriend/girlfriend? After they’ve asked themselves these questions, they should adjudge if this is the kind of attributes that they desire in their life.

What characteristics can make up a healthy relationship teens and adults alike have asked for quite some time. Mutual respect is first. The key is that your boyfriend/girlfriend should be into whom you are, not what you can do. Trust is second. A person can respect your judgments, but still feel jealousy. The main point here is to trust what he/she is telling you, because without trust, a relationship is doomed to failure. Honesty is third. If you and your spouse are being honest from the beginning of the relationship, then trust should not be an issue. One less issue makes room for one more great experience together. Support is fourth. It is not just during the rough times you should support him/her, but also through the triumphs and decision making that they may confide in you about. Fairness and equality are fifth. By practicing this, you will be able understand one another more clearly and respectfully. You will be able to discuss a situation and not resort to yelling and screaming, which can be disastrous. When you are fair, each person can have the chance to get their point across and still find common ground. Last, but not least, communication. Some women should learn to curb their criticism during a conversation or disagreement and focus on the situation that is at hand. Men should practice listening, but also expressing what is on their mind. This will allow the man to not feel judged and the women to be able to know what is not working for him. Then they both can come to a mutual compromise. By practicing these methods, couples are sure to find more strengths than weaknesses in their relationships.

The mind of teenagers most definitely varies especially from the perspective of a male and a female. I gave the following scenario that I found on a local website on teens points of views. “A few months ago my boyfriend of just over a year told me that he wanted to take a break. He claims that he still loves me and that he just wants us to be together someday, but says that right now he just need space. We still hang out sometimes and when we do it’s as if nothing has happened or even changed. This makes it hard for me to open up toward other guys. It feels like I’d be cheating if I made a date with someone else. So now it’s like I’m just waiting for him to come around and tell me that he’s ready for commitment. Is he just trying to let me down easy? Am I crazy to think that we’ll; never get back together for real? How long should I wait for him? Just what exactly does it mean to ‘take a break’ anyways? ” -Signed Heartbreak101. To demonstrate the differences between the male and female points of view, these were their responses: He says… “I hate it when guys play this card. It is just cowardly. Take it from me, a former teenage guy, if I wanted to take a break I don’t want to be with you. I may still have some sort of affection for you and I may still be attracted to you. What I don’t want is to be your boyfriend and therefore this means it’s over.” She says… “This is a classic case of a person who is trying to have their cake and eat it too. And when you’re the one spoon-feeding them every bite, it’s just a little too hard for them to come out and bluntly say we’re done. Give me a break! ! ! No matter what he calls it, right now, the two of you are not a couple.” With this being said, sometimes the points of view are more similar than we think and other times it’s one hundred percent on the opposite polar of the earth.
Although male and female teenagers have different views on relationships, doesn’t mean that they don’t understand each other. This simply suggests that they have personal points of views that could have come from several aspects in their lives. For example, a female teenager may view love as a negative thing, due to witnessing her mother being physically and verbally abused by a man. This can create a negative view on love and relationships for this particle girl. She may develop a fear of relationships and commitment due to what she was subjected to as a child. These fears can remain with a person through out their teenage years and potentially into their adult years as well. If a male teenager was sexually abused by a female daycare provider, he might view females as the “enemy”. This kind of trauma can drive this youth into the arms of drugs, alcohol, conducting risky sexual behavior, violence towards women, and possibly suicide and/or murder. These entire factors naturally depend on the individual themselves. These risk factors can all give a teen the false idea of how a relationship should be. Teens are encouraged to talk to their parents and any adults that they trust about choices that they should make in and out of a relationship. By parents being more involved in their teenager’s life, this can erase or bandage the possible damages that a teen has towards relationships. Moral and religious views can also help teens be able to decipher the “dos and don’ts” in their lives. With this being said, regardless of the points of views varying, teens have the right to their own opinions, but parents should help steer their teens in the right direction towards a healthy relationship.

One thing that teens and adults alike should learn to decipher is the desire of a relationship verses relations. Many teens have questionable attitudes toward sexual conduct in relationships. Some teens have been given the moral of restraining from the temptation and act of sexual relations until marriage. Many teens develop their views based on what their friend’s influences. By thinking that sexual relations is a “cool” thing, teens miss out on the actuality that many people can’t handle the pressure that can come with having sex. Even if they have known that person for years, that doesn’t give them a reason to have sex with them. Sex isn’t something that you can just do once and he/she won’t want it again. You yourself may create a risky behavior towards sex. When you take that step in having sex, you create a large bag. This bag is filled with the possibility of STD’s, HIV, pregnancy, bad reputations, a lost of friends, not to mention, regret, depression, and many other factors. This bag you will carry on your back potentially for the rest of your life. Some say that by opening up the door into the sexual realm; also open the door to drugs, alcohol, and many other bad behaviors. Other teen’s parents haven’t quite yet touched on this subject due to the awkward feeling in discussing this with their children. But what many parents fail to realize, is that a twenty minute discussion about the separation of sexual relations and emotional relationships, can potentially be the most constructive twenty minutes that they can give their teens. I say, take those awkward twenty minutes and give your teen the correct knowledge and vision about sex in relationships. Make certain that you are the one to influence your child, not someone who can create a cloudy mind set for your teen.

“So what? ” you ask. Why does this even matter. It matters because this generation is your future. How the teens of today, handle important issues, will influence your tomorrow. We have to be the ones who encourage them to be as positive as they desire about all issues. Relationships must be thought of highly. It’s not an opportunity for sexual relations or excusable bad behavior. We must be the ones who influence the teens of today to be role models in all that they do; school, work, relationships, friendships, and most importantly, what they leave behind in this world. What they behind in this world, is what your future generations will absorb. Do you want your grandchildren making all the mistakes of others just because you didn’t take them time out to say, “Hey? I care about you and we need to discuss something that you will soon be faced with.” If your answers no, then stand up and help fight for the children of today, so that you can help the children of tomorrow.

From the lips a once troubled youth, to the ears of a youth in desperate need of words to relate, encourage, and inspire a detrimental change.

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Poem Submitted: Thursday, January 28, 2010

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